OD 9: Merry Christmas, and my two cents about bad stuff done in the name of religion.

Tuesday, December. 24/12/2013. 21:40 / 09:40 pm.

Merry one day before Christmast, boys and girls.

Its Christmas Eve now by the time I'm writing this.

I gotta be honest with you boys and girls, I'm not a Christian person. Its not my religion, I'm Muslim. But, even so, I'm not a very religious person.

Don't hate me for writing the last sentence please.

But, who cares. Right?

I'm gonna ask a few question here, but you boys and girls doesn't have to answer it. And keep your answers to yourself if you did answer it.

Have you ever seen, or hear, people doing something bad, or just plain wrong, in the name of religion?
What do think about it? About doing something bad in the name of religion? Let's say, killing in the name of God, of all the other things they could say?
What do you think you should do if someone you know do something wrong in the name of religion?

Because of the media, the world sees the Islamic religion as terrorists. When the truth is, they're not. I'm not a terrorist.

So a few Muslims became religious extrimists to kill people and wage war, all in the name of God.

So what? If a drop of oil is spilled on an ocean, the ocean will not get dirty. And so is a religion.

Things like this test my belief until now, and because of it, I almost decided to be an atheist. But I didn't, I merely became less religious.

You never know how strong your faith is until it is tested.

There's nothing wrong about being an atheist. Or having a religion, for that matter. What I think is wrong, is when you be an asshole about it. Just chill, don't go out of your way and do anything stupid, bad, wrong, or whatever, in the name of religion, or because of religion. That's it, my honest opinion, my two cents.

I'm gonna stop writing about this. I don't wanna make you boys and girls think that I control what you are supposed to believe, and what you aren't supposed to.

Believe anything you want. Don't let anyone shake your faith. Even your parents.

If anyone tries to control you about that, give them the middle-finger.

Gonna sleep now, and write stuff about my Christmas tomorrow.

Merry Christmas Eve!

—From your dearest Aex.

Wednesday, December. 25/12/2013. 17:16 / 05:16 pm.

Merry Christmas!

Okay, its that time of the year again. Kids don't go to school, lazy college seniors don't go to college, adults don't go to work. In short, everyones happy.

I'm happy. I am. I don't know why, I just do. Maybe its because of the good vibes everyones been giving out. Seeing other people happy makes me happy.

Today has been boring, however. There's not much things that's been going on around here.

My Christmas fun facts:
•I overslept. Lol.
•I ate my last piece of gum today.
•I chewed the same piece of gum for 3 hours straight.
•I almost cried from watching anime. [So sad. TnT)/ ]
•My Kingdom Hearts II (PS2) Sora has reached Lv 99, Valor form Lv 7, Wisdom form Lv 7, Master form Lv 7, Final form Lv 7, and Summons Lv 5. Everything is maxed out except for Summons, which needs to be leveled up to Lv 7. Aiming for a 100 percent perfect completion.

But aside from all that, there's nothing interesting here. Really.

I guess that's it.

Merry Christmas!

—From your dearest Aex.

OD 8: First day of vacation? Lame...

Monday, December. 23/12/2013. 15:31 / 03:31 pm.

Good evening, boys and girls. Its the holiday season, no school, no assignments, and no homeworks. I had really hoped this holiday would be free of any kind of bullshit, but there's no such thing as perfection, and so is this holiday. This isn't the most perfect vacation ever in the history of me, but who am I to complain about holidays? Don't get me wrong, I fuckin' love holidays! I should grateful of this 2 weeks of no school bullshit. But, a problem solved only brings about the next problem:

I'm bored.

I'm bored, boys and girls. I'm bored of this vacation.

I'm bored of being bored because being bored is boring.

I've been waiting for this holiday but when I'm finally on vacation, I'm just clueless of what I should do. I'm bored. There are, however, some activities that I have done in these past few days.

And they are:
•Played Minecraft. A real time killing game.
•Played Final Fantasy XII International Zodiac Job System. Got half-way through the game before I got bored.
•Played Duodecim Dissidia Final Fantasy 012. I now have 1020 or more gameplay hours clocked in. Got bored of that. Yes, I get bored rather easily.
•Played Kingdom Hearts II. Went through the final boss a few times before I got bored and my fingers are aching from all the button tapping at the end.

I honestly have nothing else to say at this moment. Everything is just so empty. I'll write back to you boys and girls later when I happen to stumble upon something interesting or whatever.

21:36 / 09:36 pm.

Heya boys and girls. I forgot to mention that this morning I watched an anime series called Strike The Blood. I'm not gonna say anything about it except stating that its pretty... *clears throat* ...entertaining.

Mind you, its not hentai or anything, its just filled with my kind of fetishes.

*slap*

Anyway

I only watched 9 out of 10 episodes because dad decided to go home 5 hours earlier. What tha fack. And the series are actually incomplete. There should be 12 episodes but my friend just downloaded 10 episodes because the next 2 episodes isn't out yet. If you wanna know more about it, ask Google.

Now then, I wanna talk about something, or maybe I just wanna talk about some random subject and jumps from one topic to another unrelated topic.

I... I don't know. -Dramatic mode activated-

Its just... I've been feeling kinda down lately. I don't know why. I just don't. Sure, I'll cheer up from time to time but it doesn't last very long. Play games, open socmed, talking, bla-bla-fucking-bla, and suddenly, BAM, sadness strikes. Maybe its because I haven't met any of my classmates for some times, I don't know. I am truly clueless.

I'm gonna stop writing about that. I don't know how to continue writing about it. I'm thinking about writing about myself in this blog. Maybe in the next post, maybe never. Its gonna take a long time to write, because its about me. I can't just write random stuff, I gotta make a good impression but I'm not gonna go total bullshit in it, no. Maybe I'll write about it but post it on my 17th birthday which is 6 months away. Heheh.

Now I'm just gonna stay up lurking on Twitter, maybe I'll get back here to write about something.

23:11 / 11:11 pm. Going to bed. I've come to a conclusion, that today, the first day of vacation, is lame. Uninteresting. Unsatisfying. All other manners of saying that this day is boring.

Yeap.

Nighty night, boys and girls...

-Aex

OD 7: Something about love and heart-breaks

Monday, December. 16/12/2013. 12:00

I've done abselutely nothing productive at school today.

All I did was just:
•played psp with a kid. (PvP fights! Fun!)
•played psp. (He left.)
•askin' around about my Chemistry score.
•gave a friend my pen.
•listened to music.
•went home.

Well, at least I know that I DIDN'T PASS CHEMISTRY!!!

SHHIIiittttt......

After I decided to study for tomorrow's remedial, they said the teacher was out.

"He'll teach the review tomorrow. He's not here today."

Shit. "What about Physics?"

"She's not teaching now. Busy with meetings."

√shit^2 = shit. "Can I get a review later this evening?"

"No. Come again tomorrow."

Fucking hell = hell + fuck.

Welp, that's about it. I'm just gonna come again tomorrow.

Tuesday, December. 17/12/2013. 22:10 / 10:10 pm.

Hello again, boys and girls. I am physicaly and emotionally exhausted today. A lot has been going on.

Today at school, I participated in Chemistry and Physics reviews. And somewhere in between is a journey of heart break. Well, its not really that tragic, its just me overreacting to a chain of small problems.

You see, I wanted a company for todays reviews and remedials, but I know all the students aren't gonna have the same remedials as me. And so at first, my plan was:
•get a Physics review and make a small note.
•get a Chemistry review and make a small note.
•take 2 remedials at the same time.

But something happened. A classmate, let's call him P, approached me to return my pen, we made a small talk that would eventualy lead to a change of plan and ultimately, self inflicted stress and heart break. Oh, FYI this P is a boy. Here's what happened:

P:*approaches me* I've formatted my psp and I still can't play Dissidia.
Me:*pauses psp (yea, I'm playing psp)* huh, maybe you need a fresh ISO. If the problem is not the save file or the psp, you need an untouched ISO.
P: yeah, I figured that would be the only solution. Oh, here. *hands me my pen* thanks for yesterday.
Me:  you're welcome. Hey, what remedials are you taking today?
P: just Chemistry but I haven't got a review yet. You?
Me: Physics and Chem. Do you wanna take the remedial with me?
P: yeah sure, no problem. But I'm taking a Chem review first.
Me: you go first. I'm gonna take Physics review then Chem review. Meet you at Chem class.

Wednesday, December. 18/12/2013. 08:33 am.

I fell asleep lol. Anyways, let's continue.

I took Phys review as fast as I could and immediately went to Chem class.

P is gone.

What?

I asked a student. "Have you seen P?"
"Yea, he went downstairs. I think he's going home. Hey, help me with the Chem remedial, will ya?"

"...sure."

He went without me. Its just a small problem, I can take on the remedials alone if I wish. But somewhere inside, I feel like I've been stabbed. Things like this changes me over time. I took the Chem review normally but when I proceed to take the remedials, the teacher said the class is closed and I have to come again tomorrow.

Ugh, man. Its so frustrating. I went home infuriated.

22:18 / 10:18 pm. Finished review and remeds, no more school for two weeks. I felt good, amazing. I was in a good mood for the entire evening. But I think I unintentionally insulted a friend on twitter and got into an argument. It was with Jane.

I won, but... I feel bad. I still do by the time I'm writing this.

Its an argument about love. Or, to be specific, its about having a relationship at a very young age, teenage love.

Here's how it all went, in English...
Note: all that happened here isn't all accurate, because twitter has a 140 character limit, and I'm re-writing everything in another language, which makes it impossible to compress into a 140 character tweet.

I tweeted something like "I'm gonna tell you one thing: if you can't make money yet, don't get into a relationship."
Jane then replied "what if you're already in love?"

Me: "You're just gonna be a burden to your parents by asking for money for stuff. Even more so if your parents dislike your partner."

Jane: "Use the allowance money that parents gave us, not asking for more. What if the parents allow the relationship?"

Me:
-Tweet 1 > "if they allow it, good for you. Now, your allowance is given by your parents too, yes? And, 'modern' relationship had been modified too much by the masses. Wait here."
-Tweet 2 > "modern relationship:
•must frequently contact your partner.
•you can't talk to other boys/girls.
•must take your partner to dinner/cinema. And a bunch of other things."

Jane: "allowance money is given to us. Relationship or not, its the same :p"

Me: "now, why be in a relationship if you would just end up heart broken? In this case, its better to be just friends with benefits, in my opinion. Is having a boyfriend mandatory? Of course not, right?"

Jane: "being friends with benefits is just like not having a status and feels like you're just dragging it on. It hurts even more if you're truly in love."

Me: "truly in love? Is it loving someone, or just liking someone? Think about it thoroughly. You can't really tell if your partner will be able to return the favors, right?"

Jane: "truly in love like loving someone.. if you wanted to be in a relationship, you would've loved each other. Being friends with benefits and having an uncertain status would hurt even more"

Me: "if he loves you, yes, you've loved each other, for now. The problem will appear if he starts to cast his views." I don't quiet know how to put the last sentence in English. Lol. Sorry if it doesn't make any sense.

Jane: "yea.."

Me: "yea? What would you feel if he start to cast his view? What would you feel now?

Jane: "cast where? At me? Or at other girls?"

Took a short break from translating and typing. Last post was added at 23:20 / 11:20 pm. I'm writing this at 23:27 / 11:27 pm.

Me: "of course at other girls. If he's looking at you, its fine. You're his girl after all."

Jane: "oh. Yea. Seeing my crush liking other girls hurts so bad, and even more so if I'm his girl. The pain can't be described."

23:34 / 11:34 pm. I'm sleepy now. Gonna continue translating in the morning. There's still plenty that I haven't translated and typed here. Bye for now, boys and girls.

Thursday, December. 19/12/2013. 12:38 pm. Let's continue.

Me: "now read my tweet about modern relationship"

Jane: "ahahaha yea.. the point is, if you're ready for a relationship, you gotta be ready to get hurt too"

Me: "are you ready to get hurt?"

Jane: "me? Well, I'm not liking anyone at the moment, and I currently don't wanna get in a relationship"

Me: "if you don't want to, hold on to your resolve until you want to get in a relationship. Be strong. Don't be easily affected."

Jane: "got it, boss.. I think we got a love doctor over here hehe"

Me: "is just some experiences of Ariabagas Teguh (from Mario Teguh golden ways, Indonesian motivator)."

If you understand Indonesian language and want to read the untranslated version. Here's the link.

OD 6: The Day of Fools and False Hopes

Thursday, December. 12/12/2013. 10:11 am.

This is it, boys and girls, the last day of exams!

YEEAAAHHHH!!!!!

But today's subject is Chemistry.

NOO!!!

Today is going to be the bloodiest battle of them all. Every single student rises up to fight for the same cause, freedom. Against the mighty Chemistry, we will fight, and if we must, we will fall together... but whatever happened in the battle, we must emerge victorious, for This is our time!

20:16 / 08:16 pm.

Despite this being an online (in other words, public) diary, there are still some things that I don't wanna tell. Its very personal. And even if I really wanna tell you boys and girls about things like this, I really don't know how to put it in English. And google translate isn't really the most reliable thing you boys and girls should use if I somehow write stuff in my native language.

Yeah.

But, to put my mind at ease, I just wanna tell you boys and girls that today was the second worst "school" day in my entire life so far.

Friday, December. 13/12/2013. 08:56 am.

With the exams week gone, now is the time to check on our scores. Which subject we failed, and which we didn't.

Its been a quiet morning. But after the clock strikes 8, it becomes noisy as hell.

09:55 am. So I got some of my scores, 5 out of 7 subjects. The other 2 study subjects score isn't out yet. So here's the scores:

Math: 70 (yay me! :D)
Physics: 54 (oh noes! D:)
English: 84 (yay me! :D)
Civil (PKN): 93 (totally unexpected.... >_>)
Biology: 73 (yay me! :D)

22:40 / 10:40 pm. The two other subjects are Indonesian and Chemistry. The teachers said the reason Indonesian score isn't out yet is because they haven't checked it at all. Okay. And the Chemistry teacher is out for the day, but I wasn't told why.

Next, because of my Physics score, I have to participate in remedial on Monday. Ugh, fucking hell, man!

I'm gonna end it here because there's nothing more to tell and I'm sleepy. Good night, boys and girls...

-Aex

OD 5: Angry by day, happy by night.

Sunday, December. 08/12/2013. 21:55 / 10:55 pm.

So, this is it, boys and girls. The night before the exam week. Things like this makes me feel powerless. Feeble. Small. All kinds of other way of saying that I'm unimportant. I have never felt so empty in my entire life. Like: "Exam tomorrow? Okay. I'll just lie down here in my bed and wonder about what's meaning of life, or how large the universe is, or what is love, or other stuff." Not giving a fuck about exam.

But, I suppose its better to talk about what happened recently rather than what I just mentioned above.
Let's start from what happened three days ago. Nothing much, really. So I'm gonna tell you how the day went (if I remember correctly, of course).

Friday morning. I woke up rather happy instead of feeling like crap because tomorrow is Saturday. But then I was reminded that the exams start next week and I feel like crap afterwards. I went to "school" like I usually would. There, I was give some kind of pop quiz in a paper. The subject was physics, if I remember correctly, and math. Math, I knew it. I thought to myself. I worked on physics first cuz there was only 6 questions. Then I proceed to work on math. 20 to 30 questions, I don't quite remember how many. Divided into 3 pieces of paper, if I'm not mistaken. I just completely bullshit the first page, then I asked the teacher "sir, can I carry the paper back home? For studying?" He then said "yeah, use it to study for the math exam on monday." Whew. Truth is, I just wanna stuff the paper to my bag and let it rot. And I did that. When I got home I didn't finish the assignment. Who gives a fuck about that? The teachers aren't even gonna examine it when I return the papers. I thought. Then the day went by as per usual.

Saturday. Woke up with a mixed feeling of happy and sad and angry. But I was happy for the rest of the day because I tried to play an old PS2 game CD, Kingdom Hearts 2, and it worked. I screamed in my heart, fuck yeah! and begun playing it (for almost) all day.

Today was quite a short day. I woke up at 10 o'clock. Damn. I thought to myself. Today was cut short because I overslept. Then, after taking a bath, I tried to fire up another old PS2 game CD, Final Fantasy XII International Zodiac Job System (quite a long title, huh?) and it worked like a charm. No problems whatsoever. I played the game the whole day.
23:10 / 11:10 pm. Just got back from twitter. Twitter, my boys and girls, can make you forget about time and space. At least it can either make you forget where you are, or what time it is. Moving on, then.
I played it for quite some time. Until my mom told me to study for tomorrow's exam. After "studying" for a short while, I decided to call it a day and went to bed earlier, only to find myself writing this entry instead of sleeping.
I shall continue this tomorrow when I have the chance. I feel like this entry is to short to be posted now.

Monday, December. 09/12/2013. 12:55 pm. 5 minutes before the exam starts. I will post after I finish.

15:05 / 03:05 pm. Break between exams. I just literaly wanna throw a chair at a student.

22:21 / 10:21 pm. When I was on my way home around 7 hours ago, it rained.

It fuckin' rained.

Why? Can this get any worse?

When I arrived at home I had a change of clothes and eat some warm food to raise my body heat. What the fuck am I saying? I don't even understand what I just wrote. But that really happened.
After cooling my head off (it was a really stressful day), I chilled on twitter.

23:05 / 11:05 pm. Fell asleep lol. I'm gonna continue tomorrow.

Tuesday, December. 10/12/2013. 07:50 am. So, a thing happened on twitter last night.
I was just lurking and stalking on twitter last night when a friend mentioned my name to a stranger (my human name. Lol what), but not my username. I stalked their conversation and it seems they were talking about names. I forgot. So one of them asked (I'm gonna translate it into English) "hey, aex's real name is 'bagas' too?" And then Axel said "Ariabagas." Completing my name. A discussion happened, about who has the most common name in (their) school. After a while, they concluded that 'bagas' is a more common name than 'kevin' and everyone started to change their name.

Ariabagas. (Me.)
AriAxel.
AriAngel.

And then Abby came up with a spectacular name that makes me laugh the fuck out.

AriaBoBi.

LOL

Oh my fucking god! XD

One of them got mad because I didn't change their name with an 'Aria' prefix. I didn't do that cuz I didn't know her name. Angel then said "AriAlice!" And I thought, that is kinda nice. AriAlice. And then Audrey showed up. Thing got a little awkward for me. But the others seem to be fine. I wanted to asked what the other girl's name was, but she mentioned me first, "call me jane." And thus AriaJane is created.
After joking a while, Angel mentioned something like "welcome to the aria family, ariaudrey!" AriAudrey.

AriAudrey.

AriAudrey.

AriAudrey.

It keeps on ringing in my head. Things got a little out of hand for me. I kept silent. And then one of them stated "so audrey is his girlfriend?"

*screams*

*explodes*

What what what what what

Audrey replied "who is he? *pretends to be stupid*" and Jane responded with "we have a new husband and wife!" and Angel jokingly added "papa audrey and mama bagas"

I went offline almost immediately after. 

OD 4: Is the Hate Festival in town? (Sarcasm everywhere.)

Wednesday, December. 04/12/2013. 22:25 / 10:25 pm.

GOD FUCKING DAMNIT dad don't fucking vent your anger at us kids if you had a bad day at work! Fuck! I was just having a good day...

22:40 / 10:40 pm. I might not write anything tonight. Maybe I'll continue in the morning.

Thursday, December. 05/12/2013. 08:18 am.

Hello, boys and girls. Shitty morning. See that there? Up there? What I wrote on top? Yeah. My dad got this kind of aura around him. When he got home, parked the car, and opened the front door, sometimes you can feel the intensity of the room rising. That means he's pissed. He doesn't have to say a word for me to know that he's angry. Last night he was very... controlling? I don't know how you put it in English. Let's say, its like a lion protecting its territory. One thing he likes to do when he's pissed is "complain and compare". Last night, he complained about how my mom was already asleep on the bed while waiting for him to come home. She's fuckin' tired dad. Then he compared mom with his mother. He said (I'm gonna write it in English) "when I was a boy, my mother would stay awake waiting for my father to come home at night" well you know what, dad? She's not your mother, she's your wife, and she's tired from work. I forgot what happened next but my mom woke up to talk about something to dad and goes to bed again, and then dad took a bath.

I just sat there playing with my phone, pretending I didn't hear shit. But I heard, and I listened. The air was just... heavy. Its like standing in the middle of a battle field. After everyone goes to sleep, I got a very big urge to scream a good, long, and loud "fuck you" at my dad's face. But I can't, obviously.

18:25 / 06:25 pm. Its been a long day.

While watching SquidGirl, I saw something in the commercials. "Squid Girl season 2." ...what? I just watched 5 episodes (I think) and its coming to an end already? Wow, its a pretty short series.

Anyway, to put my mind at ease...

So, today was pretty much a shitty school day. Not the usual shitty, its a very shitty kind of shitty school day.

With the exams coming up next week, the teachers have been pushing and rushing with the study materials very quickly. It made me fall behind pretty far. Its like I've been missing 2-4 materials per subject, and that's bad.

To the teachers:

Can you fucking not?

And, as per usual, after the exams, the school are going to attend a parents meeting at school. That time of the year when you get a proper humiliation in public AND in front of your friends.

And, to top it all off, my teacher wants me to make a fucking 'Welcome' sign to be put in front of the fucking class. When I got home, I made the patterns for the sign to be glued on sterofoam so it can be cut to shape. But that's it, I just made the patterns. When they ask me where the sign is, I'm just gonna fucking slap the patterns to their faces and told them to make it themself. Fuck y'all.

22:20 / 10:20 pm. So there's a crazy thing (not really) that's been going on. Audrey accepted a drawing request (yeah, she's pretty good at that) from an anon. The anon requested a drawing of one of her roleplay characters (she roleplays on twitter) to do a... rape scene! I don't know about her but I think that request made her a little on the crazy side for a while. She was just... I don't know, panicking? Maybe? I was just like, "...what..." but yeah. That happened. She drew it with some help with her cousin. And she's going to post it when its midnight cuz she wants nobody to see it. I wanna see what she drew but I can't wait until midnight! So I gave her my email address. I hope she send me the picture.

I'm going to bed now lol I'm pretty tired from today's bullshit at school. Good night, boys and girls.

-Aex

22:40 / 10:40 pm. Some minor typo fixes. And... There isn't any actual sarcasm in this post. Just in the title.

OD 3: School? Not so much.

Tuesday, December. 03/12/2013. 08:34 am.

School.

If you read my previous entry you should've realized and began asking "why didn't you go to school on Monday?"

Here's the thing: I'm homeschooled. But with a little twist. Its a homeschooling community. Not like the usual homeschool where the teacher comes to your house to teach you, I actually go to school but in here we call it study house. Not school. But only at Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday (pretty nice, huh? You bet it is). The purpose of this community is like a second chance for physically or mentally handicaped kids or for kids that dropped out of school.

I dropped out.

I've been in this community for almost 3 years. From grade 9 to now grade 11. There's not much to talk about this. They say this community gives you another chance at education, but all I feel is this place is heaven AND hell at the same time.

The day I dropped out, I died a little inside.

The reason I dropped out of school? I'm gonna tell you but I'll try my best to make it not look like a cheap sad story or dramatic tragedy.

As a ridiculously, hilariously, unpopular kid, I've been bullied since the first day of entering junior highschool. But despite my unpopularity, I have a reputation of being the scariest kid when I'm angry. I have this reputation since I was in elementary school. I always back down when I'm bullied, I never fight back. But when I do, they're gonna call the teachers. Someone WILL get hurt.

After those years, I finally get tired and sick of these bullying. The day was Thursday if I remember correctly. I was in 9th grade. I was bullied the whole morning. I lost it. I see red. Eyes watery, hands shaking, breathing heavily. I reach for my pencil case and pulled out a scissor. I walked to the back of the class and I stabbed a student.

One, two, three, four, five times I stabbed him in the back. Some of the boys instantly got up and pushed me to the wall. A girl called the teacher. I cried. The rest got the unfortunate kid out of the class to get first aid.

14:05 / 02:05 pm. Just finished school, waiting to be picked up home. Now, let's continue. I was called to the principal's office. They called my parents. I knew I'm in big trouble (of course I do). My mom cried. Everything is blurry. I don't remember much after that. Then I got home with my parents. They lectured me. The next day, they told me I was kicked out. Upon hearing that news, I died a little inside. I have to take a 180 degree turn. I left all my friend but kept in contact with some of them, Un-friend them on socmed because they all gave me death threats (which I know are never true, but still... yeah). Its something I wanted all this time, a fresh start. But I never knew it has such a staggering price. The timing was somehow perfect. I don't want to be bullied anymore, but not like this! I remained at home for a week, not going to school, not anymore. Then here I am.

14:42 / 02:42 pm. I got home and just ate cold pizza (cold pizza? Yay or nay?) and unpacked my "school" stuff. About to go for a swim.

21:25 / 09:25 pm. Just got back from swimming, took a bath, played some ps2 with my bro, watched some tv, played some psp. Y'know, that kind of stuff.

Continuing on.

Here in the homeschooling community, as I said earlier, is my new heaven and hell.

The factors that makes this place heaven:
•as I said earlier, only 3 days of school in a week.
•no uniforms! This way, I can use my jacket. Yea, I like wearing jackets. Going out without one makes me feel like I'm going naked, even though I'm wearing a shirt and jeans.
•you are permitted to use electronic devices (at least, I'm permitted to do so) in class as long as the teacher isn't teaching (the teacher is still in the class though, watching us).
•air conditioned room. Its cold as fuck in there. I like it.
•if I'm not in the mood for studying, I can use my earphone and still stay in class.

Pretty nice, eh? Hahaha. At least I can get outta my house to socialize for once in a while.

And now the factors that makes it hell:
•so many annoying kids with autism. I don't blame them, but sometimes they're annoying as fuck.
•if not kids with autism, there's another group of people, annoying teenagers that comes to school just to play with their boy/girlfriends.
•lack of information about the next meetings schedule.

Its a lethal combination of annoying things (for me, anyway)! Fuck!

Wheew, that's all I guess. Its pretty late now (23:05 / 11:05 pm) and I'm tired as shit (not really) from all the swimming this evening. Ciao!

-Aex

05/12/2013 08:15 am. Fixed some minor typos.

OD 2: Happy as fuck.

Monday, December. 02/12/2013. 13:05 / 01:05 pm.

Yeah. As the title suggests, today I'm happy as fuck. At least, by the time I'm writing this entry.

I GOT MY FUCKIN' INTERNET BACK BITCH YEAAAAA

*ahem*

But! At first I felt like shit. I woke up at 8 feeling like shit, thinking "its Monday again" and just looked up at the clock. "Its just 8 o'clock, I thought its already 11 o'clock."

Woo! Fuck yeah! And then I proceed to begin today's plans which are:

•Test some new PS2 games: The Godfather, Destroy All Humans, Spartan: Total Warrior, and Bloody Roar 4.
•Watch the entire Shingeki no Kyojin anime.
•Watch Youtube.
•Watch Squid Girl on Animax.

Pretty stupid, huh? I don't give a shit about what you think.

14:34 / 02:34 pm. I just finished watching YouTube. I watched about 20 vids and forgot to watch Shingeki no Kyojin. But, fuck SnK, I have YouTube. I can watch SnK later (if, of course, I remember).

So I boot up my good ol' PS2 and tested them all. Spartan goes first, seems fine, next. Destroy All Humans, looking good, next. The Godfather. GOD this game gives me a kick in the head. Fucking nostalgia, man. I used to play this game when I was like 12 IIRC, with my childhood friend Dillon in his house. 4 years ago, I would go to his house just so I can play this together with him. Now, not so much. And then comes Bloody Roar's turn. After putting the CD in the disk tray, I felt like I was dropped kicked. This game gives me good memories back then. Its nostalgia time!

I played arcade mode with my favorite character Bakuryu The Mole. Its so fun! Its like Tekken, with a furry twist.

Stage one, okay, alright, I got the basic stuff down. Stage two, wow this game is so fast-paced. Stage three, shit! I don't remember this game being so goddamn difficult. I kept on playing until I got to stage six and got stuck there. I kept on pushing and pushing but I still died. Lol I suck at this game. After failing at epic proportions (not really) for god knows how many times, I gave up and finished playing. I had a good time.

Now, at this point I take my laptop and proceed to watch some vids. At first I thought "what should I watch first? Shingeki no Kyojin or YouTube?" I decided to go watch YouTube first because I missed so many videos. I've been on a YouTube hiatus for about 3 weeks.

Scroll... scroll... scroll...

SHIT I MISSED SO MANY NEW VIDEOS

And that's how I end up watching 20 vids in a row and forgot about SnK.

16:09 / 04:09 pm. Finished watching Squid Girl episode 2. Cute! And funny~ its been a while since I had a good laugh. I'm not and anime addict or an otaku, I just like watching anime.

20:38 / 08:38 pm. Just finished watching Squid Girl, took a bath, played Bloody Roar 4, Spartan: Total War, and Destroy All Humans with my bro, watched Thor (the first movie), and dad just got home so I gotta stop watching half-way through the movie. Gonna study now, and by study I mean listening to the music and lurking on twitter with a book open.

22:10 / 10:10 pm. Just finished "studying". I'm gonna crash my bed cuz tired, even though I didn't do anything tiring the whole day lol. But before I go to bed, I want to pour everything in my head here.

There's nothing special here today, actually. But I'm just gonna say anything that comes into my mind, an activity I never did (and probably will never do) in public, cuz when I do, people will hate me.

My eyes hurt. I've been staring at a screen, any kind of screen, for too long. I've been watching the TV when playing PS2, watching YT vids on my laptop, lurking on twitter and writing this on my phone. A little too much electronic devices can go a long way.

Oh, I got it. I wanna talk about my bro. Long ago, me and my bro were the best of buddies. He never used terms like "big brother" or anything like that and I never called him "little brother" despite our age (he's 2 years younger), were just us. We're friends. All we had was just our old phones (no internet), our psp for online battles, and a computer. We used to play together with our psp. Playing co-op games and fighting games competitively. We also used to play the computer together. In an FPS game like CounterStrike, he plays and I keep an eye on the radar, pointing out where our allies are and possible enemy locations if an ally disappear from the radar. Now, we don't talk much. It pains me to write that last sentence, I wish its not true. We still talk, yeah, but all this electronic devices are tearing us apart. Maybe its just me being lonely, maybe he doesn't care as long as he gets to play my dad's phone. I don't know, I just don't.

Sometimes I put my phone down and talk about a random subject hoping he would listen and we might talk. His response are usually:
•just "what?" cuz he's focused on his phone.
•a plain "hm hm" which from the tone and how he said it I know he doesn't care and by saying "hm" he hopes I would just stop speaking.
•a rare "yeah, maybe, I don't know" response. This PISSES me beyond logical reasons. As if he's mocking me.

But yeah, I don't fuckin' know. Maybe its just me. But I don't care, at least, not anymore.

Bro, if you're reading this. Wake the fuck up from your ignorance and stop being such a fuckin' dick. At least that's what I feel about you. Wanna fight? Just say so.

Bam. That's it I guess.

-Aex

OD 1: Its a Start.

Sunday, December. 01/12/2013. 23:00 / 11:00 pm.

I'll be calling this entries "OD" which stands for Online Diary.

The reason I started writing again is to channel these emotions and stuff in my head.

I've been madly in love (I think) with this girl "Audrey". She's my younger brother's (his twitter: @Bayuaria33. Mine is @Aexeonn if you're interested.) classmate. We met around (if I remember correctly) a year ago. I don't know, man/woman, I'm just confused as fuck right now and I want someone, anyone, to listen. Hence this entry.

Today, this evening, I was going to the mall with my family. On the way to the mall, I checked my twitter and tweeted "otw sumarecon" (the mall's name) and got into the car. After 5 minute on the road we got trapped in a traffic jam. Bored, I checked my twitter. I was mentioned by @Audrey_VLT (her twitter), she said "BRO" and I thought it was her friend Axel (@ChampionSinnoh if you're interested in hentai, tokusatsu, anime, and pokemon) and casually replied "apa", meaning "what" and then put on my earphones to ignore the traffic (my dad is driving so no problem).

Another good few minutes went by and we got into an intersection. I (once again) checked twitter and found her replying "dimana low" meaning "where u at" and then BAM!!! It hits me. I realized that it was Audrey and not Axel. Their profile picture looks similiar so I mistook her for him. My heart skipped a beat. I fuckin' panicked.

"What the fuck?" I thought. "Calm down, deep breaths."

I then proceed to casually reply "masih otw" meaning "on the way" and quickly came to a conclusion that she's there as well.

Fuck.

Silence. I can't hear shit but my own thoughts.

What if--
What if--
What if--

At this point, I closed twitter and procced to look out the window in complete silence and not saying a word (not really), with my earphones on, until we reached our destination.

In the mall, my group (me, my bro, dad, mom, grandma, and my "maid" to say it politely. I don't know how to put it in English.) splits into two groups. Me, my bro, and dad are gonna go up and get a running shoes for dad, and my grandma, the 'maid', and mom to... I forgot, lol, and we split up. I (my group) went to the upper floor, just below the food court, to get to the shoe place-thing(?). There, I wait in fear, despair, and anxiety. She just tweeted something (I forgot what it is) so I know she's somewhere near the food court where people can get a decent connection (at least, mine was shitty at the time lol). In the shoe place I wait with my bro for about an hour, listening to dubstep cuz I can't get a connection for shit. Suddenly, my bro said "ey, dia dah pulang" meaning "she just went home", he's holding his phone so I think he knew from twitter. Maybe she tweeted something, I don't know. I was extremely relieved and disappointed. At one side I'm afraid she saw me, at another side I wanted to see her. I can't get her out of my head.

And then this post happened. That recent incident (not really) has been in my head for several hours long and I decided to post it here so I can get it out of my head, AND, so I can read how stupid I was in the past if I read this post in the future.

Now, boys and girls, I'm really really tired. So, ciao.

Audrey, if you are reading until this point, I expect you to know my feelings for you by now. Think whatever you want to think. Either way, I'm not ready for any kind of relationship, with you or any female human being on Earth beside my mom.

-Aex

Re-Introduction

Sunday, December. 01/12/2013. 22:15 / 10:15 pm.

Hello, boys and girls.

I, Aexeonn, have returned. Although you can find my real name in the very first post of this blog, please address me as Aex.

Its been a while now since the last time I opened this blog. The reason I use this blog again is to vent things is my head, and my heart. Like happiness, sadness, anger, and all other things worth (or not worth) posting. It will be an online diary. I don't fucking care about what you think when you read my post. I post everything that comes into my mind. And I will continue this in my next entry.