This is the first Untimed Online Diary. In this kind of posts I'll talk about certain topics instead of my daily days. For this one, I'll just talk about the recent ones like from a few weeks ago until OD 27.
This OD will have no time markers on it, but I do however, will write the time and date this was first written. There might not be another Untimed Online Diary, but then again, I might make another one. Who knows?
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First I'm gonna talk about myself. One thing that I know for sure in life is that the hardest thing is identifying oneself. I've shamelessly asked many people about my behavior. Other than hot-headed and a loner, some called me funny, mysterious, or flat out cold. I'll agree on one thing: Back then, I have that cold side. Now though, I don't think I have it anymore. I just act cold, but I really thought about whatever that's happened in my head over and over, and over.
Call me naive but when I was still a kid I can be cold as shit regarding sad stuff or stuff in general. Probably because I don't understand them and I remember thinking, "I don't understand, so why should I care?" But I'm not cold all the time, mind you.
When I was a kid, people commented on my cruelty and called me a heartless because one time I shoot dogs and cats from my front porch or at the school gates with a bb gun. There was a street vendor selling toys in front of my old school, and I bought a bb gun and its pellets. I remembered it being like a Beretta 92. I said "relax man, its just a stupid dog/cat" whenever someone told me to stop.
During my days in elementary school I participated in extracurricular English lessons for around 3 years (needs confirmation) and eventually shot my teacher with said bb gun after saying "shut up, bitch." A phrase I learned from GTA:SA. She went out afterwards and I can't remember what happens next. I think I thought to myself to get rid of the evidence and broke the gun then throwing it to the bin.
Note: these 3 years is important to me because it laid the base for my English skills. During these years my English scores are way below average, now its 7-9/10 most of the time.
***
Why I'm bringing this cold hearted topic thing is because my grandfather has died and- call me cold but I didn't feel sad when he died. I don't know if that's gonna change, though. I don't know if I'm gonna change. I do feel weakened but it might be because I just got back from swimming.
I didn't really know grandpa because I only meet him once a year for maybe a week. Two weeks tops, and they're filled with family traditions so there's not much I can learn from him. I didn't really have the time to really talk with him. I never had the chance, or maybe I didn't take the chance, to talk to him. About anything, about him, or his days as a teenager or whatever. I never took the initiative. There's no personal space, because when its talking time, its over lunch and with distant relatives I barely know about. Surely you don't wanna talk about someone's past with people you barely knew about, right? Even if they're family.
To me, Darjono was a kind and a very discipline person. The way dad talks about him made the impression that he was once a harsh guy, but my dad looked up to him nonetheless. I don't really have a deep connection to him but I'm glad I knew him. I am proud to have known him, even if its just a little. I don't even know his last name.
I have this happy feeling because I never knew my grand father from my mother's side. He died when I was so little, maybe even before I entered elementary school. Its kind of annoying how my mom and her mom said when I was little, I liked him so much when I couldn't even remember his face.
I was told he died on 30/12/2014 some time around ashar prayer, so its around 16:00. He died because of a heart attack. Mom kinda said he was sleeping when he was dying because he snored. Though it might be his last breath instead. My mother received a call from my father to get an airplane ticket as fast as humanly possible. He was still alive around this time, and is on his way to the hospital. When my dad arrived home to pack up, he had already passed away. Then mom called me and you know what happens next if you read my previous entry.
Since dad left for a week to accompany his mother as she was still in grief, I had difficulties sleeping. I decided to write all this because I thought since I won't sleep until midnight, why don't I wrap everything that I haven't said in one post? Plus some extra stuff that's been abandoned in the drafts that had nothing to do with my everyday life. Opinions and thoughts. (Boom, origins of untimed online diary.)
I'm a Gemini and some astrological website thing said that I can be a good actor. I can't really tell what the hell I felt when my grandpa died, I didn't care that much about it but I had to act like it made me sad because I saw my father getting all teary and red-eyed but he tried not to cry. He tried to be strong in front of his sons.
His friends were present at my house as they were the ones that gave my father the ride back home and they too took him to the airport. I might be wrong but I saw awkwardness in them. And how could my father laugh when his father has just been declared deceased moments earlier? To cheer his friends? Isn't he's the one who's supposed to be sad? I don't understand.
But then again, I didn't feel sad about my grandpa. So who am I to question such things? I don't yet understand those kinds of feelings, so I couldn't possibly say that my father was wrong to act like that.
***
Long before the creation of this blog, I used to draw from time to time but I have stopped and my hand got stiff from all the video gaming. Since I entered 10th grade, whenever I have the urge to draw I usually don't know what to draw, so I just stayed still and stared blankly at my pen.
Audrey however has mad drawing skills and used it to the max by drawing frequently. But despite her skills she's still irritated by what all content-creator think as a nightmare: content stealing.
Now, Audrey herself never got her art stolen nor she ever has stolen any art, but her "friend" Jovita stole her ideas. This deal about Jovita stealing her- and other people's art ideas stressed Audrey out and she talked about it with me and Angel.
Call me empty but I am easily affected. I laugh when someone laugh without knowing what made them laugh, or I get angry by hearing other's misfortune.
At first I got kind of upset, but knowing that the internet is a harsh place and I'm not in any way a hacker, or even decent with technology, I did whatever I could do without raising too much drama. I blocked Jovita from my Instagram and reported her for copyright infringement. As you would expect, they didn't have any effect on her.
A few days later I kind of realized that she just stole the idea and made something out of it- in this case, a drawing, not outright stole the art. But still, something bothered me and I couldn't quite place my finger on it, so I Googled art theft (yes, I did that.) and came to an amateur detective conclusion. Hehe.
I for one can see that if, IF she looks at other people's art and implement the ideas within into her own piece, like the pose, or the background for a fan art I'm fine with that. More so if she credited them. But if you steal the internal part or signature part (I don't know how to say it) like ripping off character design, that is wrong. Its like, directly copying a unique eye pupil shape instead of making it an inspiration and making your own unique styled pupil.
At first I didn't really understand what I'm trying to say myself until I did another Google search and gained a somewhat better understanding regarding the matter from this link. Its a good read. You boys and girls should give it a read if you're content creators.
And now comes this part which I wrote kind of reluctantly because this involves talking shit about Audrey.
I thought her madness was weird and irrational. "why did she get mad for this?" Maybe because I never really had my creation stolen or used by other people, I would never understand. But then again, I do possess an unexplainable burning hatred towards someone, unexplainable even to me. You boys and girls should know who, so I won't bother calling names.
As Jovita's crimes continue on unchecked, Audrey began to lose her shit over these matters. She began taking screenshots for comparison. I saw Jovita's art and other people's art which Audrey sent to me and Angel and we can see the similarities. It seemed like Jovita is barely trying to cover her tracks. She obviously stole the pose- its hard to explain. Let's say she traced the art and replaced the subject with her own character.
Her own character, which is partially original. Ha. She stole the eye design from a person I don't know, but Audrey showed it to me. Jovita said the character's eye changes into that stolen design if it transformed into its ironically named "Origin Form." If someone said something like "the pose/weapon/clothes/whatever, it looks familiar, like my art." Or something, she'll just state that it was her own original idea with an extra dot in the end of the sentence. "Like this.." which further reassures me that she stole it... Sounds weird, huh...? Reading like this..... Hehe......
The things that I've picked up was also picked up by Audrey. At first she wanted to bring her down and proved to the public that she plagiarized their ideas, then she just wants to do offensive arts, ones that are offensive to her religion, since Jovita held her religion high with pride. But she couldn't bring herself to do it.
To be honest, I felt relieved she dropped it because I can't imagine Audrey being consumed by wrath just as I did. Becoming what I was. I can't lose her. In the end, though, Audrey said she will surpass Jovita in things she cannot do (or maybe, cannot copy. Since anyone can learn to do it.), like selling T-shirts with her drawing on it, or doing 3d modelling.
During Audrey's outrage I acted as if I agreed with her ideas, so far that I also gave her more ideas to do offensive arts and asking Angel about bad things in her religion, but in reality I didn't really care. I thought that, given enough time, Audrey will realize it herself. Realize that this is not gonna change anything, or maybe even make things even worse than it already was.
The day after I suggested those ideas I realized she's still upset about it and shown me a ripoff of her art, done by none other than Jovita. She's not taking my hints. Since that moment I try to subtly redirect her to the right direction, which leads to selling shirts and 3d models.
***
Aha, speaking of Angel... forgive me for talking shit, but I need to prolong this post by a bit.
Recently she has been trying to communicate in english just as I do but everything came about close to being correct, instead of entirely correct. But she does most of the time say short sentences correctly, usually phrases like common metaphors used frequently in the Internet.
She started doing these attempts since she started fangirling over Benedict Cumberbatch, trying to be as British as a fangirl could be. I don't really mind at first but she started retweeting her fangirling material at my Twitter timeline. I tolerated her, but as time went on it became kind of annoying. For your information, up until this is written, I've muted Angel for several weeks now.
At least she's better than Audrey's cousin (niece?) which I've talked about in one of my ODs but as an example only. Audrey's cousin, let's call her D, is a fujoshi and I'll bluntly say that she openly likes gay anime sex. Mind that this is only a summary of what I've seen and/or experienced. (Not the gay sex, oh god no.)
I'll go over to D first before going back to Angel to give you an idea of what I'm talking about. If I'm not mistaken, I didn't talk about D outside of making her an example, now I'll talk about her too, because why not. Haven't really say anything about her except for gay anime sex.
I followed her on Twitter for a time then unfollowed. I don't know her but Audrey does as she's her cousin. She would either go silent for days or go online nonstop. During the online period she would spam the timeline with short gay anime sex tweets. Like this paragraph but chopped to pieces and with many spaces in between. Example:
Tweet #1: " *tries to talk deep shit about gay anime sex*
what the fuck...
.
.
.
...am I saying?" This could be shorter but it seems she likes to blindly press enter in the middle of a tweet.
Tweet #2: " *common comment or retweet of gay anime sex* oh my gOD THIS IS
.
.
.
.
SO HOT wwwwww *insert said hot pic here. Use your head, readers.*" after I first saw this, I disabled picture preview. I put it back on during the last quarter of 2014. So its almost an entire year even though I followed D for less than 2 months- or maybe 2 weeks.
Almost all the spam came in those formats. Imagine if they come out at 4 tweets a minute for 3 hours. Fuck, I think I wrote "gay anime sex" too many times. Whatever, as long as I get my point across. Heh.
We're done with D, let's get back to Angel. Angel didn't really become like D, she just retweets the fangirl material but it makes her seems online nonstop, waiting for those tweets then retweeting them as soon as they come out.
Because of things like this, my following on Twitter is very few. Around 30 following for 70 followers. Yes, I am picky, but not private. I prefer if they tweet regularly at a certain time, like tv programs.
Aside from those retweets, she also tweets her own commentary or something, and in English. For an example: "I want quit" instead of "I want to quit." I get the message but still, it isn't correct and somehow funny. This is just a minor discomfort on my end and I just want to put it out there. Compared to her seemingly nonstop Twitter activity, her sub par English is alright.
This post dumb. Me smash rock now.
About D, if you're confused why I described her as a creature so low with no reason, its not because I hate her. No, sir. It's just that I'm disgusted by her kind.
I hope to never make another foolish decision like that ever again.
*shivers*
***
I guess that's it for this post. I'll see you boys and girls again in OD 28.
Aex, Thursday, January 1st, 2015. 18:01.
