OD 31: After The Storm

This OD covers my daily days from the 7th to the 20th of April. About Achi-chan, the National Exams, and the week before.

Creepy

This does not feel right at all. I felt like I harassed Audrey and she kept me out. That's one logical thing to do, shutting someone out if they are annoying you, but... I'm not on the receiving end of the stick, I am the cause. The other option is to talk about it.

I don't know what I did, I really don't. But it has escalated to this.

Currently, my heart is pounding greatly, like something bad is gonna happen. This has been happening for some time now, maybe its because the National Exams closing in, my parent's pressures on me, and the lack of social interaction.

I felt like I have to harass someone to relieve stress, so I made a post, [OD 31, not]. I dug up my questions from both of Audrey's askfm accounts, and posted it there as hyperlinks. I couldn't find much because of my slow internet. This is like an illness, I felt better over time but stress put me back in a diseased state. I think she finally realized I have been doing some shady stuff for some time in her askfm account. If she doesn't, here's a short list:

I was George, I was some of the anonymous asker, I was Erœ, I was Luna. I visit everyday, like I visit her blog. After waking up, after school, and before sleeping.

Askfm tweets were the trending topic at the time, but I didn't bother to join in and make an account. I participated indirectly instead. Audrey just popped in my mind, so I harassed her online as Erœ, I roleplayed with her as George and Luna, and ask her about her daily life as the anon reader.

Outside harassing out of pure hatred and trying to simulate intimate interaction, I became George. I roleplayed just for the sake of roleplaying. I faced Erœ's threat with Audrey, Angel, and Axel, but I was also Erœ. The tag I used to separate myself from Erœ was Æx. When the real Luna disappeared, I took her place in Audrey's askfm page, saying I'm an anon. I'm both the old Luna, the one before she went pregnant and disappeared, and the last Luna, the one after leaving the children with Fleece, Audrey's character. I'm also the legion of anon that participated in the voting to determine the last Luna's behaviour.

Me, a guy, roleplaying a girl.
Audrey, a girl, roleplaying a guy.

It's funny, I think. Making different personas of myself.

One day, I realized Audrey's contact went missing from my Line friend list. I panicked, thinking I was blocked. I apologized, I made a status post about, but I forgot she couldn't see it. I stalked. She made a new Instagram acc. And almost ignored both her askfm acc. Both Twitter and Facebook activity is nonexistent. She deleted her blog after I posted [OD 31, not] but not after she posted one last post that I didn't get to read, because it got deleted with the rest of it. She made a new askfm account and joined an Indonesian Pokemon forum.

I felt ignored, but I also don't want any social interaction. I just want to stalk. I want to read every update, every changes, everything. It has become a habit, hardwired into my brain. I don't have any activity to replace my routine, and I got confused.

[OD 13, not] and this post is a product of my confusion. I always try to not give the audience any clue or hints in my blog posts, that I was the one pulling the strings behind some scenes. This cautious persona is always active, lurking in the back of my head.

But since Audrey is not there anymore for me to stalk, play, talk, and harass, I don't know what to do. And since she's not here to watch anymore, I don't need to hold back.

But what if she's still here? Reading up until this very sentence?

Well, now you know the truth and everything is up to you. I'll go about my life, searching for things to do, trying to tweak and customize said activity so that I can fit it in my routine.

This is my freedom of speech, but I'm aware that I'm not free of its consequence. I don't know the consequence of what I did, but I know I'm going to hell for sure. So that's fine. Hell, I don't even know if I still believe in hell or not.

I'm scared. I felt like my heart is gonna jump out of my throat. I'm possessive. Something bad is going to happen because of it. I don't know if I'll survive, and what would I do if I do survive.

Anyway, bang! I blew my cover. Now, I'm gonna bleed for the next few weeks. Tomorrow, my so called "Calm Week" starts, and National Exams starts next week after that, then, I don't know.

I'll just wait.

...You know? This is just like I harassed my old classmate's Facebook page when I was in junior highschool. Her name is Jessica Natasha, one of the J Curse. I was in love with her too. I was universally hated after that. I faced hatred, and I turned out fine. I fought despair and I turned out fine. At least, after several weeks have passed.

So, its fine.

UntimedOD: Izmiyah Afaf, Al Azhar's Good Name, and The Behavior Hidden Behind It

One day Izmy asked me about my previous school. It was during recess. She asked me about a part of my life that I've left behind, out of the blue. To me, it was a good school up until I realized about my role as a student and began thinking about what other people think about me. But as I said before, it was a part of my life that I wanted to forget about, so for every question she asked me, I answered them shortly and asked her two questions. I got some information about her past and stuff, so thats kinda refreshing. I'm tired of saying, "I stabbed someone, that's how I got here."

Izmiyah Afaf was an Al-Azhar student, and that is a famous Muslim school name in Indonesia. There are many Al-Azhars. All the values that I believed to be in every student that once went there exists in her. Religious, smart, polite, overall she's what you call an honor student, or even more.

Physically speaking, Izmy is a short person. The top of her head might be just over my chest, with a somewhat below average build. Maybe she doesn't exercise much, but she's not fat, instead, she's kinda skinny. I've never seen her face without her jilbab and glasses, and her body, save for her face and hands, are well covered.

Out of all the Muslim friends that I know, including myself, she might be the most religious of them all. But she doesn't talk much about religion, maybe its because she knew people around here aren't that religious. She's also very smart, I could almost say she's mentally gifted even though she's not. She's just really diligent and unbelievably good at every subject. If there's a speech, discussion, or argument simulation, she would play her role with her whole soul. My class even have an inside joke about how Izmy worries about failing a test, even though she never failed any since she first got here, and if a teacher said she failed, they would later say that it was a mistake and she didn't fail.
***
Whenever Izmy talks to anyone, she would speak softly and politely, like a flight attendant. The language she uses is sometimes too formal for regular talks, but mostly she speaks normally. Just for my amusement, whenever we engaged in a conversation, I would try my best to be as formal as she is and pretend as if we're both office workers in an important meeting. It was quite exhausting but very entertaining to me, but perhaps to her it was just a regular everyday talk.

I wrote above that she's like an honor student, right? But its not exactly like that. I'll put an example using anime character archetypes. Excuse my fucking otakuness. Honor students, teacher's pets, student council presidents. These people, and by people I mean girls, are depicted in anime as smart, sexy with a minimal breast size of D cup, and are somehow seductive--if not strict. Izmy is not like that. She's more like the protagonist's nerd-ish love interest, minus the shy part.

Izmy never, ever, ever, EVER got a bad mark. She's like, the most excellent example for academic performance, despite having missed class frequently. I believe this was the trait she inherited from entering Al-Azhar. You see, around my circle of social interaction, this Islamic school has always been associated with good morals and high scores. And because of that, I eventually believe it too. After I graduated elementary school, whenever I don't see anyone I know around, I always ask where they went--which school do they attend to.

Some of the smart Islam students go to Al-Azhar. I never went there myself, but my friends that went there tell me their stories. I cannot say for sure if whatever they said was true because there are various differences in stories that I've heard, but its still interesting. Perhaps each Al-Azhar is different? I don't know.
***
Dillon and I have been close friends for the longest time, longer than anyone I know that isn't blood related. We've been friends since the 3rd grade of elementary school, until now. That's about 8 years, more or less. Sure, as time went by we lost connection, but we still meet up sometimes. In his house, of course.

He attended junior high and highschool in Al-Azhar. His behaviour is consistent with what I believe to be the standard Al-Azhar behavior. Religious, smart, and polite. But he still retains his non responsive attitude. Cool, laid back, and relaxed.

Since I entered my senior year, he would sometimes show me something new about the world whenever I stop by his place. Most of the time, the subject is related to science. If I don't understand, he would explain it to me. To be honest, my pride is sometimes strained during these events. The scientific world explained by a person who delve in social science, politics, and economic studies, to me who studies applied science and the likes of biology and such. But its okay, I like it when he explains stuff. If it was someone else, I'll probably feel annoyed by my own ignorance.

But a different thing happened to Fadil. Fadil is a student from the IPS class. He's not that bright but he's funny as hell. I always thought of him as "the other side of Al-Azhar" because, sure he's religious and all that but he doesn't fit in. He's just passing by before kicking himself out of the school. He's kind of like me, but less of a social outcast.

He was an Al-Azhar student before entering the homeschooling community. The first time I ever met him was at Dillon's house. I've written this before, so I won't tell you again. When Fadil first joined HSKS, he was like a sickly baby. He said there's something wrong with his stomach (ripped insides or something) and it was caused partly from his stress dealing with the people of Al-Azhar. Although I hardly believe his story, I know stress can make you sick so I let his story slide. Whenever I saw him I always thought "That guy is close to dying, seriously." But over time, he gets better and starts laughing.
***
Both Izmy and Fadil told me the people who studied there isn't as good as most people perceive them to be. This part of UntimedOD is supposed to be about those behaviours, but I don't have proof so I can't really say much. But I do know that they weren't lying, because I would realize if they were.

Hm...

In the end, I didn't write anything bad about Al-Azhar's "other side" but I believe someone out there knows the truth. I'm not saying its a universally bad place with a good cover, I'm saying that Al-Azhar isn't all candy and rainbows. There's a bad side to everything, even if its just a little.

-Aex
Wednesday, January
28/01/2015

OD 31, not: Witty Title

Witty blog post.

I'm sorry.

Just kidding.

Hey there, boys and girls.

Today might be the last day of school, because after I went home earlier today, I'm officially on vacation. I'll be doing the National Exam in 10 days. The next 10 days would be what the teachers call as the "Calm Week" like the calm before a storm. I mean, having some days not going to school is great and all, but how am I gonna spend it? The obvious answer is of course by studying because, well, this is the National Exams here we're talking about. Another option is by doing something else. I'll probably waste my precious time doing the latter.

tl;dr

I'll be having a 10 day vacation before facing National Exam and I don't know what to do with it.

Fucking hell. I'm scared as shit. You boys and girls might not be able to see it (of course you can't) but beneath this relaxed face is a swirling tornado of negative emotions.

*slap!* Geto your shito togezeru, Aekkusu! *slap!*

*Ahem!*

I'll probably waste my time playing video games and watching anime. I still have to finish Players Chapter 1 Part 2/2. After I finish it, I'll merge it with the 1st part.

I also think Azerres is better than just Zerres.

Lynmere Azerres Light
Lynmere Zerres Light

See? And it sounds better too. I'll probably gonna edit the 1st part a bit.

And the new UntimedOD is almost finished too. Title: Izmiyah Afaf, Al Azhar's good name, and the bad behavior hidden behind it.

Its a 3 section post, and I gotta finish the 3rd part soon so I can post it together with Players Chapter 1 part 2/2.

And I gotta trim my fingernails, they're tapping the screen loudly as I'm typing this--I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M TYPING ANYMORE!!!

Argh!

*pant...*

Anyway, I'll try to write more frequently as I have fuck tons of free time.

See you later.

Witty farewell.

And this is totally not an April Fool's joke, because it was yesterday.

-Erce