OD 21: Second Guessing

Thursday, July. 24/07/2014 20:31

Yesterday was supposed to be the day AriaFams gather and make memories. It got cancelled yet again. I wasn't angry, just sad. I've waited long enough, you know? Damn.

Saturday, July. 26/07/2014 17:03

I am currently sitting on a couch on my father's grandparent's home, around 500 km away from my house. I'm supposed to live here for around a week to participate in traditions or something.

Its been a grueling 18 hours. Sitting on my butt (almost) without moving my leg until they felt numb. Food and internet shortage. Sleep deprivation. But its all worth it, really.

When I got here, the first thing that I realized is this place is filled with cool breeze. Feels like paradise, away from global warming. Second, the internet connection is twice as fast compared to my house. And the water is freezing here.

I departed at around 14:00 yesterday and got here at around 09:00 this morning. With only little time to rest, we immediately unpacked and got a bath then we were on our way to the hospital. My cousin's father is diagnosed with stroke or something, and today he was supposed to get a check up. When I met him, I saw stitches on the back of his head, and the top seemed to be swollen, filled with blood I guess. He had a surgery- if I'm not mistaken- to drain the blood out from his skull cavity. They had to cut his skull or something. Its not a pretty sight, I got freaking goosebumps. I might sound like I'm exaggerating, but still...

The internet here is pretty damn fast, I got myself into a download spree 5 minutes ago before my laptop needs to be charged. This is not what I had expected. I thought its going to be slow as hell, but it proved me wrong. Its going to be pretty slow when I'm on road trips and when I'm visiting my great grandparent's grave, though.

My family forgot to bring power outlets so we can only charge one thing at a time. The second option is to spread around the house to find other outlets. And the house is pretty big. Not as big as a mansion or something but maybe at least its twice the size of my house.

Sunday, July. 27/07/2014 22:48

Staying here makes me feel like a kid again. A feeling I thought I had forgotten. Did I say the water is freezing here?

Today was (for the most part) a lazy day. We've done nothing. I just play games on my PSP and watch YouTube all day on my phone. This afternoon, however, I was asked to help setup the dining place- I was asked to lift a table with dad. Move it into its place and stuff. The wood on the table felt kinda rough to the touch, my left hand hurts because of the heavy lifting. I thought I got a cut from the rough surface, but I didn't.

Its almost 11 now and there's almost no light at all in the house. In my room, there's just phone screen light and air conditioning LED light. I forgot how creepy this house can be at night- hell, this neighborhood itself is creepy without sufficient lighting. Tomorrow, we're gonna meet up with our relatives.

God gave us hot cousins to test us. No, not the male ones, the female ones. I've got many girl cousins but they're all way older than me. I've already got someone in mind anyway, so whatever.

Have I told you that my family- the four of us, are sleeping in one room? Me and my brother are technically sleeping on the floor, if its not for these thin beds. Mom and dad sleeps on the king bed. We're sleeping in dad's sister's bedroom.

I've gotta get up early tomorrow for idul fitri prayer, so I'm gonna sleep now. But I think its way too late, its already 11.

Tuesday, July. 29/07/2014 23:10

Me and my cousin are sleeping in the same bed. Nah, he's a guy. I can't sleep for some reason, so I decided to write instead even though I don't know what to write.

He's sleeping on my right side. I don't know if he's really sleeping though, or just laying there, trying to look like he's sleeping. You know, last year when I was here, this happened too. He slept on my left. This time, I'm the one who's awake and he's sleeping. Last year, when I was sleeping, he was chatting on Skype.

I am tired, but I can't sleep. What the hell is this...

This seems weird.

You know, I think I've been forced to be more social than I usually was. All these relatives I barely know came like a flashflood and washed me with torrents of interactions. From what happened yesterday, all I can remember is there were these two girls, or women, that came and talked to me and my brother instead of our elders. Aunt Icha and Yesi. Aunt, mind you. But they look like highschool girls, especially Yesi. Bluntly speaking, she's hot.

23:44

He's awake.

Wednesday, July. 30/07/2014 00:14

Yeah, long story short, we had a "who can be silent the longest contest" and I lost. Now, we're both on our phones.

Continuing the story above. Both Icha and Yesi are supposed to be my aunts, but they don't look like it. Icha is a big, chubby and outgoing women, doesn't act her age at all. Yesi, she's beautiful but talks less than what seems to be her sister. They don't look like anything that can be described as an aunt, really.

They talked to me and my brother about our education, what university we're aiming for. This conversation is common subject among relatives, but we're talking about it as if we're the same age. With jokes and stuff. Actually, my brother does most of the talking. I only talk about what needs to be said and some small jokes. I passed almost all question to my brother.

02:33

I've been watching anime because I can't sleep. The laptop died halfway through the episode, what a drag. I can't even remember which one it was.

I took a piss. When I got out, I heard noises. At first I thought it was water dripping, but then I realized its from the TV room, its from the TV. It was granddaddy. I thought he fell asleep while watching TV, I remembered seeing him there before going to my room at 10. I asked him what's going on, he said he was just watching TV after pissing. Why didn't he go to sleep? He didn't fell asleep either like I had thought previously. When I approached him silently, he pointed his flashlight at me, meaning he must be awake.

Regardless, he told me to get some rest. So I got back and write this. Weird stuff, man. Anyway, I'm gonna crash the bed now. If I can.

18:04

Right after the sun reached its peak on top of my head, I'm starting to get a bit disoriented. The effect of taking only three hours of sleep has taken its toll on me. I survived, however. Tomorrow, we're going to the graves of our ancestors so I need to sleep early. Let's see if I can.

Saturday, August. 02/08/2014 09:38

I got a cold yesterday right after Friday prayer, and this morning I woke up with a killer migraine I guess.

Last night AriaFams got into a random chat spree. We talked about how our gathering on the 3rd is canceled. About how Audrey said she's going to move out to some place after her graduation because of her father. About pizza. About an Avatar the legend of Aang parody. Wishing Jane to be able to afford a nice cellphone. And some other stuff that I can't put in English.

Last night I realized something, Angel and I have more things in common than I am with Audrey. Probably because she asked me about a lot of things, about the stuff I like. And because I forced Star Wars and X-Men onto her.

Well, in the end she likes both of them. But still, forcing something onto someone isn't right. It doesn't matter from what point of view you see it, its unjustifiable. You know what they say, "if you have to use force, its rape."

But what if I was to be with her? Probably not. I might get my life sucked outta me. An active and social lifestyle doesn't fit me well. I imagined myself as a doll, with her dragging me along wherever she goes.

Today I'm going home but dad's car is having problems. My phone battery is dying too. So, until next time.

Monday, August. 04/08/2014 09:15

After 32 hours on the road, I'm finally home. No time to rest, though. I only got 5 hours of sleep last night. I'm so incredibly tired right now, you wouldn't even believe me. I'll try to stay active through the day. I'm currently at school now.

10:55

At home, the air is so freaking hot in comparison to my grandparents' place. And the water isn't as cold. The internet isn't as fast. I sweat through my jacket as if I just jumped to a pool with full clothing. But man, it feels good to be home.

Tuesday, August. 05/08/2014 10:38

Its been only 2 days of school and I'm already fed up with it. I can't keep with the curriculum. I can't focus in class. I can't study, I don't want to. I don't know anymore.

I look around me and I see more "troubled teens" than "kids with special needs." This isn't a place to help kids with disabilities anymore, its a containment area for troubled teens.

I might not write anything for a while. Take care.

[Fiction] Players - Prologue: ~My Friend~

   Prologue: ~My Friend~

   –A narration of the prologue of the story from the main character's friend's point of view.–

   My name is Fynsel, and this is not my story.

   Almost eight months ago, my friend's father died. It was a peaceful morning. My friend and I were supposed to meet up near the monorail station, I used to pick him up. He had to take the monorail everyday because he lives at a faraway place but that day his father had a business appointment outside of Pangaea and he had some free time before going to the airport, so he went to school with his father by car before departing for the plane.

   Before I went to the monorail with my motorcycle, my friend told me to meet up at the school building instead and so I went to school. The distance from his house to the monorail is farther than the monorail to school, and I live in between the monorail and school so I don't have to take the train. The rest of the morning went by normally, there was no way we would know of the tragedy that was coming.

   In the middle of class session, my friend got a phone call and he asked for permission to answer it outside. I was just returning from the toilet when I saw him getting out.
   "Hey, what's up?" He just gestured me to lower my voice.
   "Just a phone call. Get in the class."

   Then he answered it. Before I got in I was tidying my uniform and as I was entering the class, suddenly I heard rapid footsteps. I peeked out and saw him running, he dropped his phone by the door. "Lyn? Oy, Lyn!"

   All the other classmates had already went out to see what was going on that made him run like crazy. I picked up his phone and put it in my pocket. I heard some students chat.

   "Is he skipping class?"
   "I don't know. Still, its not like him to do that."

   "Fyn," My attention was diverted to the teacher who called me.
   "Chase after him and get him back to class."
   I nodded and went down to take my motorcycle. I saw him running down the road and caught up with him.
   "Oy Lyn, What are–"
   "Fyn, thank god." Before I got the chance to say anything, he hopped on my motorcycle.
   "Hurry, take me to the hospital. I'll explain on the way."

   I was confused, and if I did what he asked for it would mean I helped him skip class. "But–"
   "Go, god damn it!" After that I went as fast as I can while dodging traffic on the way.

   "My father got in a car accident..." When we were halfway there, he opened a conversation.
   "They say he was in a critical condition. The other crashed from his right side."
   "That's the driver's seat, right? My god..."

   I was shocked, and then I remembered that his father is his only living relative with the exception of his divorced mother. I thought I understand why he left class, I felt like this when my sister died too. "Lyn, we're here." When we arrived at the hospital, he jumped off the motorcycle and ran into the building.

   I went inside after parking and asked one of the nurses if there's any white haired teenager that looks like he was on a hurry and one of them led me to a room. It was the emergency unit.

   "He went inside this room. You're his friend, right? Please calm him down."
   "Huh? Okay."

   After the nurse walked away, I opened the door. I saw him kneeling down beside a bed, he was crying. In the bloodstained bed was his father, he had already died when we reached the hospital.

   –Thursday, 28th of November 2B93, 09:10, Anderson Seth Light, father of Lynmere Zerres Light, died at the age of 41.–

   The nurse wanted my friend to identify the body and after seeing him cry I'm sure the nurse understand. For the following week he couldn't get over his father's death, or so I thought. There's more to it than that but I never knew what.

   Two weeks after his father's death, on Sunday, he opened his father's will. He was left with his father's mansion and riches, and was given the position of president of his father's company. I was invited by him to his mansion when he opened the will and when I heard the contents, I thought he would be happy but he wasn't. He fell silent afterwards and told me to go home.

   "Why? Lyn, I know its hard but you have to move on, man." I tried to cheer him up but I heard a sob instead. I kinda panicked.
   "Look at the bright side, Lyn. You got a huge mansion and-"
   "Go home, Fyn. Please..."
   "Okay. I'm really sorry, Lyn."

   Life went on, Lyn did not. For the next 2 months, my friend hasn't been himself, he looks ill and exhausted. I thought he was harming himself in subtle manners such as undereating and overexercising. We tried to help but he was just stubborn. He cut us off. Not only me but also is best friends. He even won't reply to short mails or chats in videogame lobbies. He goes online often, maybe to channel his sadness.

   After the end semester exam passed he suddenly disappeared. He took off into another school without saying goodbye. His mansion was taken care of by the landowner. I heard he gave his position as the company's president to the vice president whose son is good friends with Lyn in his new school. It sounds just like him, he never enjoys being tied down by responsibilities.

   Today is Saturday, 2 days before graduation vacation ends. Yesterday I received a short mail from Lyn saying to meet him in an online game Saturday night. And so I turned on my computer and...

   Prologue: ~My Friend~
   End

—————
24/07/2014

It is done! Holy s*it. The prologue for Players, my original fiction. Fun fact: the first chapter was already done before I wrote the prologue, and when I made this I made some changes to chapter 1 and the universe of this fiction. Changes made: changed main character's name, overall plot change. Damn.

Chapter 1 is now in the works. Don't wait for me to finish it because its gonna take a hell of a lot of time.

What do you think? If you have anything to say, critics, suggestions, comments, just put it on the comment box below and I'll try to read the from time to time. *crosses fingers*

Please please please PLEASE tell me if you found any plot holes in the fiction that I might have accidentally made. It would really help me improve and make better stories with solid scripts.

Other than that, I guess there's nothing else to say.

-Aex

OD 20: Survival Mode!!!

Monday, July. 07/07/2014 22:06

Alright guess what, I broke my PSP again. Yes the new one. Its not a cosmetic or hardware damage but software error. I can't play games now. Seriously.

I was configuring a line of code to be used by a cheat software but when I saved it the whole thing shuts off and there you have it. I tried a quick fix but it didn't work so I gave up. Might as well try again tomorrow.

I might not play PSP anymore for some time as i try to find a way to fix it. I just hope i don't have to ask dad to bring it to a shop or something. He'll be mad for sure.

Tuesday, July. 15/07/2014. 19:45

After almost 2 months of absence, I finally went to the pool again. Boy, did I miss this place. It wasn't as nice as I expected though. Despite the day's scorching sun, the pool water was freezing!

What's up with that?

Dad said it was from hypersensitivity. Since I'm fasting the whole day, my internal organs had very few activities. No food to process and stuff. So, I guess I became more sensitive to external stimuli.

I started going to school again since last week. My class placement is in between the XII grade IPS class and X grade class. The noises they make, they drive me nuts! I can't concentrate on studying- hell, I can't focus on anything with that kind of distraction. Its going to be a long school year...

Starting this week, I'll go to school 5 days a week. I call this full schedule instead of normal schedule because I usually went 3 days a week This transition is because I'm on the final sprint to university. We need to pass the final exam and because of that we must go all out on studying.

There's been no progress on the fanfics, sorry guys. Its just- I got lazy. Yes, I got lazy. I never made a promise to post it for you. I write them if I want to.

Wednesday, July. 16/07/2014 17:09

I just finished taking a shower. Oh my god.

When I was stripping my clothes off a frEAKING COCKROACH SHOWED UP OUT OF NOWHERE AND CLIMBED UP MY LEFT LEG THEN IT FELL AND CLIMBED THE WALL BUT IT FELL AND IS NOW UPSIDE DOwn oh my god.

I bathed as fast as humanly possible. Dear god, I feel like chopping my left leg off now.

Today was only half a good day. It started off nice and ended in a not-so-nice manner.

I woke up kind of late but the morning was nice. I could study comfortably. Truly, I wished some mornings stayed forever. We were studying literature and for some reason, it wasn't boring. I loved every second of it. When the break time comes, Adit took out his laptop. The second he did that, I felt a bad feeling coming. So I watched YouTube the whole time to shake it off. Next, math. And this too, for some unknown reason, felt so nice. I've encountered no math problems at all. How amazing is that?

But in the middle of the lesson, an IPS kid came to my class. I haven't told you yet, huh? This guy's name is Ray. He was some kind of a kid celebrity and he was from my school before I dropped out. I knew him long before I created this blog. I hate him.

After he entered the class he spoke to Adit but I couldn't hear them because of my earphones. The next thing I knew, he's playing FIFA on Adit's laptop! In my class! In the middle of a lesson! With sounds turned up high!

At this point I started having problems with my math exercise. Let's just skip this part and say I couldn't focus and got mad. Big time. But I held it all inside, no more violence. I've lost all my will to study. Tank's empty, bro. Then, when the lesson's over, more IPS kids went in and made a racket. Oh for heaven's sake...

When the next teacher came we were supposed to study biology but there's not enough time to do a full lesson, so we worked on an exercise instead. I made it half-assed. I didn't care anymore. I also went home early and disobeyed the teacher's command to stay in class.

I was in a foul mood at home. I felt horrible. But I expected a long time friend to visit me after school and it made me happy. His name is Rizky and, like Ray, he's from my old school and I've known him for a long time.

When I was sitting around in my parent's room waiting for him, he informed me that he couldn't come and he'll tell me when he can come. I turned my laptop on and my phone off to charge it and watch some anime to make me feel better. Before I knew it, dad went home early and was knocking on the door.

21:13

Around two hours ago, Angel chatted me about something. Apparently, she met someone she knew from a Pokémon group in her new school and she got close to him. Axel knew this guy too because the three of them are its members. Put it simply, she talked to me and gave screenshots about Axel talking with this guy. His name is Sindhu. From Angel's point of view, they're both badmouthing her, basically. Then she wanted me to help her and talk to Axel. Man to man. I don't want to do it that way so I decided to be an arbitrator.

I immediately went to the group chat to resolve this problem. As an arbitrator I have to be firm and unbiased. After pulling Axel out of hiding, the trial began. It was resolved peacefully with Axel telling Angel that it was merely a joke but it did looked like they were about to badmouth her. Angel accepted the statement but I think she isn't that satisfied with Axel's statement.

It wasn't really the best feeling in the world, to be firm and harsh to someone close to you. But I had to dispatch the problem swiftly to suppress any additional damage that could potentially drive us apart.

Things like this makes me sad. To start it all off, I didn't have that many friends. I've been alone for so long. For me, adapting to sudden changes like moving out means losing a lot of friends. Knowing them was a great achievement and it feels good when you know you had found some wonderful friends. I love them all. Audrey, Angel, Axel, Jane.

When this group was first founded, I was looked upon as a father figure. I don't know why. Still, I wanted to be serious about it. I might not be able to be a great leader, let alone a father of many children. But I wanted to be a father of this group. To have a family. To have someone. I don't want us to be torn apart.

I might not be able to stand any more losses in my life. I don't want to lose anyone anymore. I've felt lonely enough. Don't add any more pain.

But I knew deep down, this world isn't gonna be fair. You can't expect a lion not to attack you if you're not attacking them. The world doesn't work that way. I'll just have to endure the dramas.

Friday, July. 18/07/2014 19:44

Heya, school's over and vacation is just around the corner. Its just for 2 week, but its a vacation nonetheless.

For the last 2 weeks I've been tortured by the other class' idiocy. I know they're not all idiots and jerks, but that's what I see in those classes. Because the non-idiots are so silent and can be rarely seen at all, what I see is what's left of it, the idiots.

They're all so noisy and annoying, its been just 2 weeks but I'm already fed up with their shenanigans. I don't know if I can't stand them for the next 11 months. I don't know if I can survive their idiocy...

Well, whatever.

With a week to spare before the Idul Fitri holiday, AriaFams discussed about holding a gathering. The schedule haven't been set in stone yet but there's a possibility from Tuesday to Thursday. The only thing that haven't been discussed is the time. Actually, the gathering location has not been decided too but I'll suggest them to use our previous location in our last discussion.

I'm not really hyped for this vacation, to be honest. I'm only excited for the gathering, if it comes to pass. The following week after that, however, isn't something that I'm necessarily excited about. Its just a boring old tradition in our family. Visit the graves of our ancestors and pray for them. Have a feast with our grandparents. Meet our distant relatives. Its all in our tradition. I'll just have to endure the boredom.

The only thing that I like in this vacation is the fact that we're going out of town. We're gonna stay in our grandparents' house. And, I'm going to meet my favorite cousin of all time, Adrian. Though, I'm not as excited as I thought I would. I wonder why...

Ah, in this vacation there's going to be a shortage of signal because we're staying in a semi secluded location. And with that, I'll try to write instead of lurking on social medias.

Okay then, I guess I have nothing more to talk about. We can talk about the coming weeks, about the gathering and the vacation, but I'll save it for the next entry. I'll post this one later tonight.

Bye, for now.

-Aex