Monday, March. 02/03/2015 18:54
Hello, boys and girls, its me again.
Today I got told that I passed every subject except for Indonesian. I wanna live in America now, because I cannot speak Indonesian, apparently.
But wasn't that amazing? I didn't fail Math, Physics, Biology, Chemistry, Civics, and English. Because of that I only attend Indonesian review and went home. I get one day off. There's extra class, actually, but I didn't care. I don't wanna stick around for too long.
Tuesday, March. 03/03/2015 14:31
Whenever I wanted to write something, whether if its these entries or fictional stories, several conditions must be met. I get inspiration if I:
*don't have my phone with me. Ah, fuck. This seems to be the number one inspiration trigger.
*am on a trip. Also very rare.
*am in the bathroom. Obviously, I won't have my phone with me.
And many more that I myself don't know. Often times more than one condition must be fulfilled in order for me to get inspiration.
Since I didn't have school today, I made up my mind to dedicate this day only for writing and experimenting. Put it simply, I tried to simulate the conditions above as much as possible, but it didn't work because I still have my phone with me. I guess I'll just let things slide naturally then.
Sunday, March. 08/03/2015 23:45
Last night Audrey chatted me that she has read my blog post and told me something about the keychains. She didn't receive it. That's why nothing came up online. I asked her about her dad and told her about his car that I saw, she confirmed it was her dad's. She said her dad didn't know anything when she asked him about it after she read my blog post. Earlier tonight I discussed this with my brother and he had a few theories. Some that I remember are:
*Audrey's dad actually forgot about it, forgot where he put it, forgot who he got it from. Its the most innocent theory, and it's actually possible.
*Audrey's dad is being a stereotypical protective father over her daughter. He doesn't want Audrey to be in a relationship at the moment. Makes sense.
Regardless, I'm really bummed right now. But at least I learned a lesson. I should give important personal gifts directly to make sure it gets through. I didn't know why I gave the keychains to a stranger. If I wanted to give it to her, I should've gone through with it. Instead I panicked and got spooked by a stranger who turned out to be Audrey's dad. I made the assumption that he was her dad without thinking clearly. I should've made small talks, made sure who he was before handing them.
Now, chatting with her felt really weird. Well, after having a period of time not communicating with each other, who wouldn't? I felt awkward. I missed her, but I couldn't say that right off the bat, can I?
"Hey, its been a while."
"Yeah, I missed you."
Awkward...
Our conversation was really short, or at least, I felt it wasn't enough. I guess I was too formal, but that's a weak excuse. I should've asked rhetorical questions, but I was afraid I might annoy her. I think my best course of action is to be an NPC. Only act if its requested.
Ah, but there's not much that I can do either. *sigh*
Thursday, March. 12/03/2015 12:19
I was gonna say "Hey, boys and girls." But I already said that on the top. I thought I say that too much, almost every time after I write the date and time. That's why I deleted some of them on the above. Anyway, I wanna talk about something, and this is actually an Untimed OD material thing but after seeing there's an increasingly larger time gap between entries, I decide to put it here.
I have one pet peeve, among other things: Vagueness. Or purposelessness? Maybe?
I realized something this week: I cannot live without purpose, a clear purpose. I need routines. Without it, I'll break. I always ask for schedule as clear as possible. I also can't improvise when facing an unclear task. What a lame person, huh?
Like they say, "A mind without purpose will wander in dark places."
Maybe that's why I like my PSP so much, it gave me a false sense of purpose. You know, making progress and killing bosses. Its also addicting, its something to do if I don't have any task, or waiting for the next agenda in my schedule to start.
And maybe that's why I don't talk much to people, its not on my subroutine. For what purpose? I don't know. Idle talk is good, but I don't- and I can't, gain anything from it. But I also think this is just another excuse for an antisocial person to use.
I'll talk about what happened this week, I think it'll shed some light on the matter. I said I passed every subject aside from my own language, right? On Monday, I had an Indonesian remedial. The remedials start at 1 o'clock because underclassmen were having mid-semester test. I arrived at 8 on purpose.
I watched YouTube for 3 hours then the remedials are open. I knew after I finished I'll be free, no school, at least until Friday. I finished it quickly and felt some weight has been lifted, but I wasn't totally at ease. Before I turn in my paper I thought to myself, what am I gonna do while on vacation?
After I gave my paper, I asked the teacher for the upcoming week's schedule. As I had expected, she didn't know shit. Before I went home, Fadil shouted something at me. It's something along the lines of: "you're done, right? You're staying home tomorrow, right? I challenge you to come to school!" I accepted it, because I wanted to bring my laptop to torrent a movie, and laugh at him and Adit for having so many remedials. I promised Fadil I'd laugh at him, and I did.
I was relieved he challenged me. He gave me something to do. At home, I felt some kind of emptiness. I need to do something, at least, until tomorrow comes, I thought. I wanted to write but I have no inspiration to do so, so I watched anime instead. Procrastination at its finest.
The next day, Tuesday, I arrived at school and searched for an empty class to use my laptop. I ended up using the room I used to watch YouTube yesterday. I torrent said movie, and played my PSP as I wait until 1 o'clock. I was trying to accomplish as many task as possible at school that day. Finish as many quests in Monster Hunter, torrent a movie, laugh at Adit and Fadil, get some information about next week's schedule, and find out the materials I need to study for end-semester test.
The teacher said the exams starts next week, but she didn't give the exact schedule like what subjects are there gonna be on Monday, etc, etc. I also have two days off, Wednesday and Thursday (today). I made a conclusion they're gonna give the exact schedule tomorrow. She then said the materials for the tests can be downloaded from their website.
All I did for the last two days are just watching anime. I finished two series, one with the second season. Now, I don't know what to watch. Yesterday my plan was to be productive. Draw and write, stuff like that, but I didn't.
Sunday, March. 15/03/2015 05:49
This is probably the earliest I woke up by myself in years. I'm sick, I caught a cold. I slept at 11 and only stayed asleep for 4 hours. I woke up at around 3 and proceeds to roll around in bed for another hour before finally getting up to use the toilet. Now, I'm sitting on the sofa.
Last night before I went to bed, after I got out of the bathroom, there was a cockroach outside the bathroom. I killed it, dumped the body in the bin. Then, a few minutes ago before I used the toilet, there is another cockroach inside the bathroom. I killed it and flushed its dead body.
I started to think there might be an infestation in my house. I shuddered in fear, just the thought about it. But that thought soon disappeared, because I felt a weird sensation when the base of my foot touched the cold floor. I think back to the last time I got up this early. I can't remember it clearly, but I'm sure it was when I'm still in elementary school. Got up very early just to watch morning cartoon. Then saying goodbye when my parents go to work. So nostalgic.
Wednesday, March. 18/03/2015 17:30
The rainy season is over. Now is the dry season.
Today is the third day of end semester test week and might also be the last day of my internet activity. I'm not gonna stop using the web altogether, no, its just that dad's company is on the verge of death. I got a message from costumer service, saying my internet services are going to be stopped completely tomorrow, the 19th of March. And tomorrow is my brother's birthday.
What a bummer.
I've told you boys and girls that I won't write during exams, right? But I need to get some stuff out of my chest, one of them being the internet thing I've already said above.
So, on Sunday, my dad got sick. He was sweating heavily in bed when he was taking a nap. Its almost like he took a shower. I was watching YouTube when suddenly dad got up and ran to the bathroom. He threw up. He did that several times until mom put him in bed. Mom said to me he suffers from vertigo. The next day they both didn't go to work.
My brother got a week of vacation. Nothing really special, he just plays the computer all day as usual. On Monday, the first day of end semester exam, mom, dad, and my brother stayed at home. On my usual route to school, there's a construction. They're building a flyover near the river, and its jamming the traffic so bad, I have to take another route and circle around back. Basically, the distance got more than doubled. Its been like this since February.
The route brings back memories. You see, on my way to school I always go out of my housing complex through the same route. On the exit, I could choose to go along the river or go over the bridge. Back when I was still in my old school, I always go through the bridge since elementary school until the day I got kicked out. 8 years. Since I started going to HSKS, I always go along the river.
Now, since there's a traffic jam because of the flyover construction, I had to use the bridge route. When I get to the bridge, I felt an overwhelming sense of nostalgia. I felt like a kid who always look down on the traffic on the highway from the side the bridge every morning on my way to school for 8 years straight again. This is the route to my old school.
After I went over it, I went under it. This also brings back many memories. In my kindergarten days, before I live where I'm living now, I live in a contracted house. This is the route to that old housing complex. This is also the route to my friend's house, I call him Nugi. I think he's the person who got me into pornography. He's a complicated person. He's smart, perverted, likes to joke around, and religious. Weird as hell.
As I go along this path, I must take a detour midway, to another path leading to another one of my friend's house. His name is Jagad, meaning Galaxy in Indonesian. He's the person that deepens my love for the Monster Hunter series. He's a very, very, very strong person. He's a monster in physical exercise. He's also very kind, and very rich. His father is a military general.
21:35
My parents got home and dad asked me about today's exam. I said it was hard. Then dad asked me if I'm feeling unwell, maybe because I'm just laying around in bed with a depressed expression pasted on my face as I watch a BMX freestyle show. I don't feel unwell, but maybe I'm just kind of sad for no reason. Maybe its because of all these nostalgic feelings.
There's a lot of things that I've forgotten. A lot of confusing things. Like, what made me change from a social person, to who I am now? I remember my 7th grade class meeting after finals. I hang out a lot with my friends after the exam. How am I able to do that? That's not like me at all. I also remember my 8th grade class meeting after finals. There's no one around, everyone is on vacation even though its not the holidays yet. I was alone the whole day, drawing doodles on my book in class. It was a sunny week. I wished it stayed like that forever. And now I want it to happen again, seriously.
23:04
I'm going to post this now. No more internet tomorrow, and getting WiFi is hard. I'm going on a hiatus, maybe. Maybe I'll stop writing about my life for a while and focus about other things, like stories and untimed sections which has been abandoned for quite a while.
So, yeah.
I'll see you when I see you.
-Aex
